Exploring God Through Text

JA: i feel like a lot of senior year is fulfilling like freshman goals that you forgot you wanted

NR: i mean i goddamn hope

JA: its like reminding u how silly you used to be // giving closure to it

NR: it gave me hope that I’m being silly still

and that ill have closure for those silly things

and the not so silly things too

JA: yUp

NR: big mood

JA: theres a goddam reason for everything

NR: i understand why deism is a thing

god the clockmaker gahdamn

JA: my mom low-key dropped that the reason my dad/grandmother are unhappy drifters in love is because they are godless people

and i kind of believed her

NR: i mean

savage

but also not totally wrong i think

like not necessarily god god but like something governing

JA: right, like knowing that you are beyond just your own life

NR: yep

i mean that even applies to people we know

JA: !!!

NR: maybe we just know it cause we went to/reject religious school

JA: i really do think that has a lot to do with it

we owe something somewhere

NR: exactly

but not like in a specific religious way

like someone like henry

who accepts most of it

JA: right like you gotta transcend the obligation part and figure out what it actually means for ur place in the world

NR: ya like beyond all the rituals and stuff

and more about like personal things

and “contracts” etc

JA: i just freakin hope people get that sooner than later

NR: same here

i think some will

most will

it’s just a matter of like what it’ll take

JA: truth

because I’m lowkey still saving myself for Henry in some twisted way for when he’s a fully formed person

like never left the back of my mind

I’m sure u can relate

first love, babeeey

NR: i ABSOLUTELY relate

thats the problem with becoming a person early

JA: !!!

but like i will wait as long as i have to

no rush

NR: me too

not even to interact

because we gotta all keep moving in the meantime

otherwise ya never know how long you’ll wait

but at least to see

we hope to experience it but at least to see it

JA: right- knowing that it’s always gonna be there is enough

whether that comes when I’m 18 or 80

NR: just gotta live in the back of the mind

also the front a little

it ebbs and flows

JA: yep, and other people will teach us other things about ourselves/themselves and we get a little closer

NR: exactly

to like whatever the endgame is

and it might not be what you think

JA: full fuckin circle

i think I’m healed now

ima go quit college and make wine in the mountains

NR: thats like the cleanest anything could ever be

JR ATKINSON and NOA ROSENBERG, Spring 2018

artwork by LILY SPERRY